As a Christian, I am consistently reading scripture passages that encourage me to love God with all my heart, mind, and strength. This is God’s supreme commandment. Such a grand duty is always before me. It’s pretty clear, loving God is my number-one obligation.
As an ordained minister, I am quite often called “Pastor, Minister, or Reverend.” The first two titles might be more correct than the third. However, with these titles comes great expectations from my friends and congregation. People hold me to a higher standard. They expect me to have the deepest of affections for my Lord.
As a professional clergyman, I can put on a good show. After all, my job depends on it. I have learned to look and smell holy. One might even say my job depends on looking like the most exemplary lover of Jesus. And truthfully, I would love for this to be the case. I would like to have an internal and external red-hot, never-cooling, always-growing passion for God.
However, the Lord, who looks upon my heart, he knows I have a sub-par love for him. My Savior knows I do not love him …
- More than I don’t self.
- More than life itself.
- More than my family.
- More than his church.
- More than leading in worship and preaching.
- More than my job and its accompanying benefits.
- More than God’s gifts of ease, pleasure, applause, and earthly gain.
- More than certain transgressions. (This is proven every time I say “yes” to sin and “no” to the Spirit.)
As sad as my personal testimony may be, I have not overstated the case. All of the above is true. If you could know my heart and read my mind, if you could truly chart my affections and desires, you would know this to be the case. Sadly, Jesus is not all the world to me. I am a fool. I am an idolater. I am broken cistern in need of serious love.
Oh friends, please do not leave the church due to my honesty. Sure, there are better ministers and better churches our there. Perhaps there is an ecclesiological family who could better meet your needs. However, know this, my personal, ministerial, lifelong, confession of sin and transgressions is not a good reason for you to go. And know this as well, when you arrive at your next place for holy communion, if your minister is spiritually enlightened and transparently honest, he will be making the exact same confession as does Saint Joe and Saint Paul. (Romans 7) All ministers fail to meet God’s high standard.
And friends, please do not think I am some “Grace Boy” taking my sinful failings lightly. My wickedness is tragic! None of this is good. None of this is acceptable. My lack-luster love is absolutely horrible in light of the Lord’s love, grace, mercy, and favor.
However, there is good news …
Though I cannot honestly say, “God, I love you with all my heart, mind, and strength,” I can honestly say, “God, I want to love you with all my heart, soul, mind, and strength.”
The above statement is true: I really do wish for, long for, pray for, pant for, desire and hunger to have identical affections to those of Christ my Lord. I want to love God more. I want to love God most. I want to love him with everything. I even want to want this more than I do. (No, that’s not a typographical error.)
And this is glorious news. “Why,” you ask? You see, this internal wanting that I have, this is not a natural affection coming from my first birth. This growing passion is evidence of a second or supernatural birth and the accompanying transformation. This panting is internal and subjective proof that I am one of the elect, that Jesus died for all my loveless sins, that he has clothed me with his saintliness, and he sent his Holy Spirit to dwell within and fruit me love. (Galatians 5) Yes, before my new-birth, conversion, justification, adoption, positional sanctification, and filling, there was no conflict between my old-flesh and new-spirit, between my old-depraved-heart and new-perfect-heart, between my old-man-nature and my new-man-nature found in Christ Jesus. However, as it once was it no longer is. Today, in my chest, there exists an ethical conflict. There is a real spiritual war taking place within my being, and I give thanks to God for this Spirit-caused brutal, wretched, and glorious conflict.
So now, what do I do? Friends, freshly clothed in Christ’s Gospel armor, I stand up, stand tall, smile at Jesus, look at the devil, and scream, “Bring it on!” Perhaps, like William Wallace, I look at sin and yell, “Freedom!” Then I run towards the conflict in the power of the Holy Spirit and engage in the brutal, wretched, and glorious fight. I do not surrender. I do not practice passivity. I do not just let go and let God. No, while resting in the Gospel and trusting in the Holy Spirit, I endeavor to love, worship, run, work, obey, feed, flee, fight, and kill. I read, study, and pray. I gather with brothers and sisters for mutual prayer, accountability, confession, and encouragement. I assemble for Lord’s Day fellowship and worship about the Lord’s Word, Water, Bread, and Wine. I pray against the possibility of temptation. I flee the obvious places of temptation. I even use my Spirit-empowered will to say “No!“ to the external practice of sin when my insides wish to say “Yes!”
So, let me say it again. While resting in the Gospel and trusting in the Holy Spirit, I refuse to be passive. Holy Spirit fueled “Grace Boys,” they endeavor to fight the good fight! They cannot do otherwise. It’s just who they are. It’s what they were remade to made — spiritual warriors. Never surrender is their mantra, and so the brutal, wretched, and glorious fight continues until the day when the battle is no longer necessary or possible. And on that day, it will no longer be brutal and wretched; what a glorious day that will be!
Unfathomable Grace 